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At three key times in my life dating became a kind of coming out party.I was coming out after long recovery processes from previous relationships.So I took a scary step and posted ads in Personals sections.
I couldn’t bear the thought of eating food so I didn’t order. Life is too short to repeat this particular ring of hell. Months after I had given up on dating, months after I had forgotten I still had a personal ad on a website, she contacted me.
And yet there I sat through 44 agonizing minutes watching her eat lunch. I wouldn’t even order a cup of tea in case it took too long to cool and drink. Did I lose the opportunity to meet plenty of women this way? Why no phoning, no emailing, just a brief, initial face to face? Lots of women are going to sound fantastic on the telephone. That first ten minute meeting turned out to be five because we couldn’t find each other at the café. But on our single preliminary phone call I explained to her why I had that rule. And to this day she laughs herself silly telling people of my first time meeting rules and how we only met for five minutes.
If the frozen smile on my face fell off it would’ve cracked the table in two.♦◊♦That’s when I finally got sensible. Lots of women are going to be clever and funny as hell on email. I also made damn sure I had an unbreakable appointment right afterward.
I made hard and fast rules: No, I won’t exchange emails with you other than to exchange phone numbers and work out logistics for getting together. But the bulk of your relationship will not consist of phone calls and emails.
No, I won’t talk with you more on the telephone beyond our one first call and some brief getting to know you preliminaries. (If it does, well, you need more advice than I can give you.) Nothing is as important as someone’s presence.